


In Shades of Light

by awfully_yellow



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: In A Heartbeat AU, M/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), POV Alternating, Pining, Pining Arthur, Season 2, in this house we love gwen and believe she deserved better, obvious merlin, why isnt that a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:42:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24313723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awfully_yellow/pseuds/awfully_yellow
Summary: An afternoon of hunting gone wrong leaves Merlin at the edge of finding out something about Arthur that the prince would rather keep hidden.or - In a heartbeat AU
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 352





	In Shades of Light

The hunt had been going good, which, thinking it in retrospective, should have been a red flag. 

It wasn’t even Arthur’s fault– or Merlin’s, for that matter. 

For once, Merlin had remained as quiet as he could, while still trying to talk with Arthur, whatever to distract him from what undoubtedly troubled him. 

The days after the  _ Lady  _ Catrina had been hard for all involucrated (yet funny for all not), but it had seemed to have put a special strain in the prince’s relationship with his father. Having been accused of lying and treason, and later drinking poison to free his father from enchantment didn’t seem to be making Arthur’s mood any better. 

Which was the reason they had been riding through the forest just outside the citadel. 

Arthur wasn’t even hunting, something Merlin never thought he would hate to see, just merely using the excuse to leave the castle for a bit. Merlin ached to reach out and offer whatever comfort he could, but it was hard and a bit uncomfortable since the last time when Arthur had pushed him away. 

Maybe if he hadn’t been so distracted bemoaning the fact that Arthur remained so stubbornly out of his reach, he would have realized they had left the trail long before. 

Of course, they managed to stumble onto what seemed to be the humble cottage of a sorcerer. She had said she was only passing through, but didn’t reassure Merlin in the sightless, much less Arthur, who had quickly unsheathed his sword.

If she had been honest, Merlin couldn’t find out, as the sorcerer quickly realized their indisposition to let her go and had changed strategies. She restrained them in place with her magic, which Merlin could notice seemed rather weak if compared to the last forces he had stood against. 

That alone almost convinced him to try and help her, maybe even convince Arthur to let her go, telling him she was just scared and defending herself. It was a scary thought, putting himself out there where Arthur could see him, and he almost wished the sorcerer would just knock Arthur out so Merlin could study her intentions properly, and either help her escape or kill her. 

It shouldn’t seem so easy to him, he knew, but past situations had already hardened him more than he ever feared he would be. Maybe it showed in his face, because before he made up his mind the sorcerer walked up to Arthur, who seemed rather dedicated on pulverizing her with the mere force of his glare. 

“I’m sorry, Arthur Pendragon,” the sorcerer said, “I don’t intend to hurt you, but I don’t fancy dying either and Emrys wouldn’t chose to follow me over protecting you.” 

Arthur scoffed, “Emrys?” 

The sorcerer eyed Merlin with bemusement, not the best time for it, seeing as she had just admitted to being scared for her life and Merlin wasn’t exactly leaning towards merciful the more the sorcerer got closer to the prince.

“Right,” she said, remembering herself, “in that case–”

The light hit Arthur right in the chest, before Merlin could even free himself from the spell freezing him on the spot. The prince fell down, unconscious. 

Merlin’s breath hitched in fear and he turned to the sorcerer. 

“For what it’s worth,” she said, surrounding herself with light, “I’m sorry.” 

“If you hurt him-” He threatened. 

A lot happened in the next moment: the wind picked up and the light surrounding the sorcerer took her away, the spell holding Merlin in place disappeared with her, Arthur woke up. 

Merlin was at his side after a moment, touching him all over, searching for any apparent injuries, but the prince seemed miraculously unharmed, although confused. 

“Merlin?” 

He helped Arthur sit up, “How do you feel?” 

“I– I feel fine?” It would have been much more reassuring if his chest hadn’t began glowing at that moment. 

The light left Arthur’s chest to float in front of it. It gained a shape, almost like an apple but with a pointer bottom part.

“What is that?” 

“It looks like a–” Merlin was sure he had seen this particular shape before but where? It looked like something out of Gaius’ books. It looked like a– “heart?” 

“A heart?” Arthur sounded more confident now, the surprise of the attack fading away now that the sorcerer was gone. “I knew you couldn’t tell you feet from your head,  _ Mer _ lin, but I thought you knew how a heart looks like.” 

“I  _ know _ that, you big prat, it’s just the symbol used in medicine books.” 

“Books?”

“For reading.” Merlin stood up. 

Arthur’s slapped his hand away and stood up by himself. “Shut up.” 

“Well, it doesn’t look like you are in danger, but maybe Gaius could tell us if there’s something to be worried about.” He kneeled, gathering everything that had fallen from his bag when the sorcerer attacked. 

“Why should we worry?” Arthur asked sarcastically.

“Famous last words.” Arthur huffed, but Merlin continued, “I don’t know– It could be a love spell for all we know.” 

Arthur cringed and Merlin didn’t disagree. An enchanted Arthur was a real pain in the ass and it usually ended with Merlin in the dungeons and Arthur at death’s door. 

He stood up again and turned to look at the prince, “How does it feel? Do you feel… enchanted?” 

Arthur rolled his eyes, “How am I supposed to know that?”

Point. 

“Well, I don’t know, is there someone on your mind?” 

To his horror, Arthur blushed. 

Oh no. 

“That’s it. We are taking you directly to Gaius.” 

Herbs back in his bag, he walked to where the horses, by some miracle, still where. 

“Merlin?”

“No, it’s non-negotiable. Luckily, he will know exactly what’s going on and everything’s gonna be okay.” Yeah, as if.

“No,  _ Mer _ lin– you know what? Whatever.” The prince got on his horse and began making his way back to Camelot, hunting now forgotten. 

\--

As always, they had basically no problems at hiding from the guards on their way back. 

Arthur would make a note to talk about it later with his father, but this particular occurrence had made his life easier a couple times in the past, so he usually _ forgot _ such comment for the next time it was convenient for him again.

For example, now, with Merlin being followed with what even a blind man could identify as magic. 

Because it had been Merlin, and not him, the one his ‘heart’ had decided to follow. No surprise there, Arthur mused. The only positive so far was that Merlin hadn’t realized and thought the heart followed them  _ both _ . 

Of course such luck could not last. 

“Merlin, do me a favour and take this to Lord Henry before we start researching, his servant dropped by earlier but the potion was not ready then.” Gaius said, while maneuvering Arthur to his work bench. 

Instead of checking him for injuries as Merlin had done back in the clearing, Gaius kept an eye on Merlin. Soon enough, it became obvious the heart was going to follow his manservant out of the door.

“Just as I feared.” Gaius sighed, and then louder, “Merlin, boy, come back.” 

“Gaius?” Merlin turned on his stop by the door, and, of course, bumped into the heart. 

It felt like a punch to the gut, Arthur half-noted, as all air was being forcefully taken out of his chest. 

“Arthur!” His servant was suddenly kneeling in front of him again, but Arthur waved his concern off. 

“Gaius?” He wheezed. 

The man had left them to retrieve a book from under what seemed like a hundred scrolls. If this position was strategically done to avoid curious eyes, Arthur didn’t know, but seeming as he now depended on the older man’s knowledge about magic, he found he could hardly complain. 

“I thought I recognized the spell when you arrived, Sire,” he said, “it was fairly common before the Great Purge.” 

“A love spell?” Merlin asked, hand still on Arthur’s chest even if he could breathe normally again. 

“Not quite, thankfully. But–” Gaius paused, glancing at Arthur, and the prince got the feeling their position hadn’t being ignored by the physician. “Merlin, do me a favour, and walk slowly to your room.” 

“Gaius?” Merlin frowned, but obeyed and, sure enough, the heart followed him again. Arthur willed the blood away from his face. 

Gaius smiled sympathetically at the prince, as if apologizing, “Turn around, careful.” 

Merlin did, comically slowly, to find himself in front of the heart yet again. Centimeters from bumping into it again. 

“It’s following me.” 

“It would appear so, yes.” 

“But why me?” Merlin frowned and turned to look at Arthur, “It’s yours, isn’t it? It came out of your chest.” 

Arthur sputtered but his servant was not paying attention to him. He eyed the heart carefully, tongue just pecking through his lips, as he did when he was mending one of Arthur’s shirts. 

Arthur’s real heart stuttered in his chest, and he noted with mortification how the phantom heart did too, glowing red, as if blushing. 

“Oh! He’s imprinted on me.” Merlin said, with a decided nod, “Like a duck.” 

Arthur resisted the urge of hitting his forehead, ignoring Gaius’ laugh. 

\--

“Why would she even cast this heart if not to hurt me?” Arthur mused.

“Well, she did say she didn’t want to hurt you.” Merlin replied from where he was still walking around the room, to check if the heart really followed him.

“And you believe her?” He scoffed.

“Well– not then, no. But you really seem to be fine, or as fine as you can be anyway, so…”

“Right” He rolled his eyes, it wouldn’t be the first time Merlin’s naivety got him into trouble, even if he usually was the first one to recognize trouble and act against it. Which reminded him…

“Emrys.” He didn’t miss the way Gaius tensed from where he was searching through scrolls. “Do you know him, Gaius?” 

Gaius stilled, careful to not look anywhere but at the scroll. Arthur half noticed Merlin had stopped in his tracks as well. 

“It is an old name, sire, part of stories I had heard since the beginning of my life.” Arthur ignored Merlin’s surprised gasp, eyes never leaving Gaius. The physician sighed, “Emrys is said to protect the One and Future King–”

Arthur snapped his fingers, “That’s it! That’s what the witch said, wasn’t it?” He turned to his manservant for confirmation but Merlin was rooted in his spot still, but Arthur was remembering it well enough, the witch had said– “Emrys wouldn’t follow her if the alternative was looking after me.” 

“No,” Gaius said, with a security that surprised Arthur, “he really wouldn’t.”

“You sound awfully sure, Gaius.” 

“As I said, sire, I listened to that story since before I was even old enough to understand it.”

“And do you believe in it?” He knew he was walking into careful territory, and the last thing he wanted to do was interrogate such an old friend but his father’s voice in his head was hard to ignore.

Suddenly Merlin was there, a hand in Arthur’s upper arm, and the prince knew without even needing to turn around that his face would be incensed. Arthur didn’t exactly knew much about their relationship, but it was easy to see Merlin appreciated Gaius as a kid would a father. 

“Enough, Merlin,” the physician said, but Merlin didn’t let go of Arthur. Gaius sighed before turning back to Arthur, “I can tell you all about the prophecy, and the reason why I, and I’m sure many others, believe you to be the Once and Future King, but right now I think our priority is the heart.”

“Right,” he said, stepped back and letting Merlin’s hand fall away from him. “of course. Thank you, Gaius.”

As he walked back to the bench, he couldn’t help but add, “And Gaius– thank you for helping me, regardless of everything.” 

It was as close to an apology as he could make, and a younger Arthur might have bitten his tongue before standing this close to treason, but recent developments– 

He shook his head, now was not the time. 

\--

In the end, they decided Arthur should follow his schedule as planned to avoid suspicion and would return to Gaius’ chambers at nighttime to see if they had found anything. 

They would say Merlin had catched something contagious, as he couldn’t leave the room less someone saw him and his magical companion. It would, hopefully, buy them some time as Gaius and him did research. 

Arthur sighed into his wine. 

It had been a perfectly good development of the situation so far, but it was only a matter of time before Merlin stumbled onto the right spell and finally understood why the spirit followed  _ him _ . 

Not that Arthur could understand how it had managed to escape him so far. Gods, the man was still trying to push him and Gwen together, going as far as helping her with some of her chores so that she could have some free time– usually whenever Arthur had a moment as well. 

Arthur couldn’t complain much as he had found a dear friend in Guinevere. One he could usually talk to about things he couldn’t tell even his manservant. Meaning, he usually ended up talking about his manservant. 

It oath to be weird, he supposed, seeing as Gwen and him had something between them in past, but both understood they had their attention elsewhere and as such would continue to be second in each other’s graces. 

He had thought that maybe, if he tried enough, he would learn to fall in love with her, instead of just loving her. He hadn’t tried so far, though, his respect for the woman stopped him in his tracks– the fact that he knew most things he liked about her he had liked before in a different person, the same person he was trying to get over.

It would be completely unfair, he knew, if he willed himself into a place beside Gwen just because she was  _ available _ . He loved her enough to realize that. 

Years ago this might have been much more than enough– a comfortable companionship. 

A lot had happened in the last years, in the last  _ months _ , and the reason was as obvious as ever, currently hiding in Gaius’ chambers. 

He sighed again. 

Gwen caught his eye over the dinner table, and smiled reassuringly at him, as she usually did when she noted George was the one serving him. He smiled back and willed time to move faster. 

\--

Being followed by a glowing heart was, so far, one of Merlin’s favorite magical situations.

It was perfect, really. Arthur was okay, there was no threat over the kingdom, no ridiculous dragon talking in riddles, no mythical beasts or revenge-driven sorcerers –he was even given a day off! 

And all because Arthur liked him. 

Merlin smiled, only half-reading the scroll in front of him. The heart had stayed close to him all day –even if he tried sending it to Gaius–, always close to his head. Once it even looked like it was meaning to rest on his neckerchief, but, like Arthur, it only got close to then run its way back as if Merlin hadn’t realized its intentions. Merlin could even swear he felt it once petting his hair.

A pleased sigh escaped him, Gaius thankfully otherwise engaged in reading across the room, too far to hear him. He had known, for a while now, that he would continue being at Arthur’s side, no matter how many times the prince tried sending him away –and it had been more than enough times for the thought to hurt–, and that even if his barely acknowledged feelings could never be corresponded, then at least he would someday count on Arthur’s friendship, as much as the prince claimed otherwise. 

This, Arthur’s heart following  _ him _ around, having a tangible confirmation that Arthur appreciated him as well, was maybe even  _ fond  _ of him, it was just too much–

He sighed again, scroll forgotten in his lap, and reached with a careful finger at the heart. It jumped a little bit, like a hiccup, before it launched itself to bump into Merlin’s palm like a cat. 

Arthur crashed into the room not long after, “What in the  _ fuck _ –?!” 

“Oh, hi, Arthur.” 

The prince pointed an offended finger at him, face still red from the exertion from running from wherever he had been. “You–! That’s hardly proper!” 

“Say whatever you want,” he said, “but this little guy here doesn’t lie and he says you like me.” 

Arthur sputtered in the spot but Merlin ignored him in favor of caressing the heart, “And you said we weren’t friends, you rotten liar.” 

Arthur apparently gave up with him, instead marching towards the laughing physician. “Please tell me you have found something.” 

Gaius sobered fast enough, “I did, my lord.” He said, surprising Merlin, who still thought they were researching. “Merlin, my boy, could you please wait in your room?” 

“Gaius?” 

“What I’m about to tell the prince is a rather careful deal, one I’m sure he will share with you as he thinks best. Until then, I must ask you to leave the room.” 

“But– I can help!” He didn’t whine,  _ no, _ it was just that this was the best thing to happen to him in months and it was unfair he was being excluded from the one good thing that happened in this blasted kingdom. 

Maybe he was being dramatic, whatever.

“Merlin, please.” The tone in Arthur’s voice convinced him. As much as he would antagonize the man he could never turn away from him when he asked for help. 

“C’mon, little guy,” he called over his shoulder, not that he needed to, “let’s leave them to it.” 

\--

Seeing Merlin and the heart disappear behind the closed door, and Gaius turn to look at him with a sympathetic look on his face, Arthur knew this couldn’t be good news. 

“How bad is it?” He asked, resigned. 

Gaius motioned him to sit and sat beside him, “It is fairly harmless, as these things go, my lord. This particular spell was pretty popular in my teen years, mostly because of how easy it was to cast it. The effects, though, varied between delight and shame, depending on the person.” Gaius signed and rubbed at his eyes, “The phantom heart, as you may have figured already, is a representation of your real heart and as such, follows the person your real heart follows.” 

Arthur gulped, but had been fairly obvious.

“Arthur,” the physician dropped a hand on his shoulder, “I don’t intend to intrude, but Merlin is like a son to me, I would hate to see him or you getting hurt. I imagine you would prefer not to tell him, but the spell won’t disappear on its own, and trying to force it away could hurt you, as it is still connected to you.” Gaius squeezed his shoulder, “You know he would prefer anything over harming you, and I must ask you to treat him with the same consideration.” 

“You know I will, Gaius, you have my word.” 

The physician smiled at him and stood up, “I have not told him about the specificities of the spell yet, figured you must have a say in the how. I’m afraid that’s the way to stop the spell, sire, the enchanted has to declare their feelings– should they not be clear already– and either be responded in kind or turned down.” 

“Only that?” He asked sarcastically. He could hardly complain, he knew, seeing as nobody was in danger and his life wasn’t on the line as many times before, his pride though– “I just tell him, and the heart disappears.”

Gaius turned to look at him, something like pity in his eyes, “I don’t intend to make assumptions, but I will leave the room and you two should know the most about the spell to cast it away correctly. Should Merlin not respond your feelings in kind, he would have to physically push the phantom heart into your chest.” 

There was something about it that had Gaius cringing. Seeing that expression in the royal physician, who had the toughest stomach in probably all of Camelot, didn’t help matters unraveling the ball of anxiety sitting inside of Arthur, “What aren’t you saying, Gaius?”

“It would hurt, sire. Heartbreak made physical.” 

“Right,” he said, trying to sound confident, “tell my closest friend my feelings, have him turn them down, have him push a glowing magical heart into my chest. Did I forget anything?”

Gaius reached for his shoulder again, “It will be okay, Arthur, you must trust it will.”

\--

Whatever Gaius and Arthur had talked about in the physician’s chambers, Merlin didn’t know, but they had apparently decided Gaius would guard the corridor to secure their privacy until they managed to cast the heart away. 

“Is everything okay?” He asked Arthur, while eyeing critically the heart. Some time after Merlin had been banned to his room, the little heart had began to dim, it seemed almost sad. 

“Come here.” It wasn’t an answer and Merlin usually wasn’t over being difficult on purpose but Arthur sounded off, something  _ was  _ wrong. 

“What’s it?” He asked, letting Arthur manaveur him onto the bench while he himself paced through the packed chambers. “Arthur?” 

“Why do you think it follows you?” 

“Jealous?” But the joke fell flat considering he was still worried. “I already said what I think, you might say we can’t be friends but I disagree, and it seems like you do as well.” 

He touched the heart carefully, and noted the way Arthur seemed to freeze at the phantom touch. His voice sounded almost breathless when he continued, “But why you? Out of everyone in the castle, everyone in the lower town, everyone in Camelot, why would it follow  _ you _ ?” 

“I’m– your best friend?” 

Arthur turned, whatever assholish thing he might have said swallowed down when he undoubtedly saw Merlin’s hopeful expression. “You are.” Merlin smiled, completely elated, “But it’s more than that.” 

Merlin felt, for once, shocked out of words, which Arthur used to keep talking, “I thought you knew, you must have, I probably wasn’t that good at hiding it. But then– you keep pushing me towards other people, towards  _ Gwen _ . I didn’t know if you seriously didn’t know or if you were turning me down.” 

“Turning–? Arthur, what?” 

“You must know by now, Merlin, the reason I keep you around even if your work as a servant truly is abysmal, the reason I bring you along on hunts or quests even if it really isn’t your place, the reason that goddamned heart has been following you around all day.” 

“I didn’t want to make assumptions.” But his voice sounded insecure even to his own ears, and his thoughts were running wild at a velocity he couldn’t even dream of matching. 

It was true, wasn’t it? Getting his hopes up would only hurt him in the long way, he knew that, naming what he felt would only make it harder to ignore. 

Even if he knew it hadn’t been ‘destiny’ for a while– if it ever was. 

“That hasn’t stopped you before” Arthur tried to joke. 

“It’s different,” when Arthur didn’t look convinced he continued, “it’s  _ you. _ ” 

The phantom heart stuttered where it was resting against his palm.

“Right,” Arthur cleared his throat, “Gaius told me the way to cast it away was telling you how I felt, and when you turned me down you would have to push it into me.”

Merlin frowned, “What makes you so sure I would turn you down?” 

He didn’t imagine the way the heart glowed stronger, like a fire, and began beating faster. 

One would not know by looking at the prince’s face, though, as he schooled his face in careful blankness, “I ask you, Merlin, to take this seriously and don’t make fun of it.” 

“Arthur, I would never, you must know that.” He turned to look at the heart when Arthur’s impassive face became too much, “I would never hurt you.” 

But the fact was that the heart continued being there, not disappearing as one would think now that Arthur told him how he felt. 

Merlin had to reply somehow.

“I know it would be easier if I turned your feelings down,” he told the heart and his breath caught when the light in it dimmed, “that it couldn’t work and I oath to free you from whatever binds you to me, but I can’t– is that wrong? That after every lie I’ve said this is where I draw the line?” 

Arthur, who had stopped pacing a while ago, walked up to him, “Merlin?” 

“I must be honest with you,” he decided, feeling a little bit dizzy in his fear, and got off the bench to kneel at Arthur’s feet, letting go of the heart in the process, “I have lied to you ever since we met, because I was afraid of being sent away from you, and I would have continued doing so for as long as it was needed, if not for what happened today.” 

“Merlin, what are you playing at?” But he sounded worried as well. 

“I have magic.” 

The expression that Arthur failed to mask was bad enough, but what really did it for Merlin was the unforgettable sound the heart made when it broke at the middle top, leaving only the pointy bottom part connecting the two pieces. 

Arthur stumbled back, as if he had received a physical blow, and Merlin was only half sure he hadn’t. 

“You– you, but why?” Arthur demanded, a hand closed tightly around the handle of his sword by his hip. 

“I was born with it!” He lifted his hands, trying to look as harmless as he could, “I only use it for you, you must believe me!” 

“ _ Why _ ?” But the earlier anger seemed to be chased away by what looked like hope. Merlin would know without looking at the heart, just looking into Arthur’s eyes that he knew better than anyone else’s. “Why would a sorcerer protect me, the son of Uther Pendragon?” 

“It’s  _ you, _ it’s only ever been you.” He all but begged, “Why would I stay a servant when I am so obviously bad for the job? Why would I follow you into the most ridiculous situations, just waiting for the moment I can find an opening to protect you, to bring you home? Why would I push you towards other people, willing this awful feeling to go away?” 

He willed some of the courage he felt when facing enemies, “Arthur, you must know by now, that I have been in love with you for quite some time.”

The prince fell to his knees, reaching for Merlin, “If you are lying, Merlin–”

“I would never lie about this.” He promised, and met him at the middle. 

It wasn’t a sweet kiss– it was forceful and almost desperate, with the two of them reaching and searching, touching as if this were the first and last time and they had to make the most out of it. Until Arthur suddenly gasped into the kiss, and pulled back. 

The heart was nowhere to be found. 

Not that Merlin needed it anymore, he could feel Arthur’s real heart beating madly under his palm, could see the blush that had just began forming in Arthur’s beautiful face and the almost childish glint in his eye. 

“Right,” his voice sounded rough and it made Merlin’s own heart flutter knowing he did that, “we should get Gaius back, tell him it’s done and over.” 

“We could,” Merlin agreed, “or we could just take a moment more, make the most out of it…”

Arthur didn’t miss the way he eyed his lips, of course, “ We should talk about it.” 

“We could…  _ or _ we could just take a moment more–” 

“Shut up.” Arthur pushed at his shoulder playfully but he, too, was leaning back in. 

They would talk about it, about them and about the magic, about the secrets the two of them now shared, and prophecies and everything else– but now, now they were just going to take a moment. 

**Author's Note:**

> and then they made out 
> 
> as always, thank you so much for reading !! and constructive criticism is always appreciated !!
> 
> also, i wanted to acknowledge something that could be seen as a plot hole - the witch in the forest really was just passing through, she didn't want to hurt Arthur or anyone, hence the spell, she was just trying to buy herself some time to escape


End file.
